Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
