That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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