I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Randomize
