i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Randomize
