we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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