Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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