Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
