I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize
