Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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