In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
I'm really busy with my period
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