I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Randomize
