i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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