Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Randomize
