I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Randomize
