when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
These 25 Normal Couples Tried Porn Moves During Sex And It Ended Horribly
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.