I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.