now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
There's always time for handjobs
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
30 People Reveal The Moment They Realized: ‘Oh Sh*t, I’m An A**hole’
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
30 Tiny Celebrity Tattoos You’ll Want To Run Out And Copy ASAP
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
My vagina just clenched in fear
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect