I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
So I just went to clothing optional bar
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize