I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
