i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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