so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
then he tried to convert me to islam
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
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