what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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