You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Randomize
