Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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