Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
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