She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
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