i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Randomize
