You don't have asthma, your pregnant
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
My balls are so social today.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Randomize
