Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Randomize