i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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