so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
