I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Randomize
