I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
