Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
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