Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Randomize
