we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize
