So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
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