Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
My underwear smells like fireworks.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
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