Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Randomize
