the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize