5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
