omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
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