So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Randomize
