No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
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I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
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We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
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