Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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