smell my finger.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Just invented taco cereal.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
