I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
