I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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