He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Randomize
