Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Randomize
