They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
