There is a new fb quiz: "are you at ypical woman, future ex or from crazy town" - should i take it?
Aren't all three of those the same though?
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Randomize
