i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
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