I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
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