I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
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i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
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if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
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