after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
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