I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
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