You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
