I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
There's always time for handjobs
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
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