just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
I want a musical about memes.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
