They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
