There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
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